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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to learn that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to use the facilities during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking through the school acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|