🔗 Share this article

Encountering denial, especially when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. Someone is saying no, delivering a clear “No.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced submitting story ideas half a century past, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had several works declined, along with book ideas and many pieces. In the last two decades, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have grown more frequent. Regularly, I receive a setback multiple times weekly—amounting to over 100 times a year. Overall, rejections in my profession run into thousands. Today, I might as well have a master’s in handling no’s.

So, is this a complaining rant? Far from it. As, now, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Have I Accomplished It?

Some context: At this point, nearly every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: lately, a publication nixed 20 articles in a row before approving one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents rejected a project. A particular editor suggested that I send my work less frequently.

My Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, all rejections stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. How could this happen? Why would these people be overlook my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Certainly it’s the incorrect submission? This must be an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can editors know? Who made you to judge on my labours? It’s nonsense and your publication is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably accompanied by optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I’ll never be accomplished.

This continued for decades.

Notable Examples

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of writers whose work was at first turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was initially spurned. Since they did persevere, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his school team. Most US presidents over the last 60 years had earlier failed in races. The actor-writer claims that his script for Rocky and desire to star were turned down numerous times. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my senior age, I reached the last step of setback. Understanding. Today, I grasp the multiple factors why a publisher says no. For starters, an reviewer may have recently run a similar piece, or have something underway, or just be considering something along the same lines for a different writer.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the reader believes I lack the credentials or stature to fit the bill. Or isn’t in the market for the work I am offering. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my work hastily to appreciate its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Additional reasons are your fault. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the point I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my punctuation, notably dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve authored several titles—my first when I was middle-aged, the next, a autobiography, at 65—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have featured in magazines big and little, in local, national and global platforms. An early piece appeared when I was 26—and I have now submitted to that publication for 50 years.

Still, no bestsellers, no signings at major stores, no spots on TV programs, no speeches, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can more easily handle no at this stage, because my, small accomplishments have cushioned the blows of my setbacks. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all now.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but when you heed what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial incorrectly. What teachings have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What